So this is it, huh?
Hello, my friends!! Have you ever said that to yourself? “So this is it, huh?” It is a statement of near surrender to a less than perfect situation, isn’t it?
Quiet for a While
Up until last week, my blog has been quiet for over a year… quiet for several reasons. I think the main reason for the beginning of this silence was that my chronic illness issues were getting the best of me and discouragement had set in. However…
2 Corinthians 4:8-10 says:
8We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
I think everyone wants to feel good both physically and emotionally, even if they have given up on that hope. Personally, I want to be full of life and energy. I want to be purposeful in serving the Lord, be able to enjoy my life and be able to love the people God has put in my life, both family and friends.
So this is it? Foggy Fatigue
Last winter, I came to a place where I was saying to myself: So this is it, huh?
I would drag myself out of bed every day not refreshed but exhausted and foggy-headed. I had to force myself to do even the smallest task followed by rest. Getting ready to go out of the house was a full day’s work. The grocery store was daunting. After resting for an hour or more from getting ready to go, I might be functional for 10 minutes inside the store before I was completely exhausted. This seemed to be my new normal.
I think brain fog has been my biggest challenge in general. It seems as though a lot of my fatigue is caused by having to work so hard just to think clearly. For me, brain fog is like seeing the world through seawater, and like the people in scuba gear in the movies, it is like everything goes very slowly, my processing, decision making, and problem-solving.
Time for Research
The one thing I was able to do quite consistently was research fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and brain fog. I had sort of self-diagnosed myself by descriptions from fibro sufferers of their symptoms and medical question type websites. The only thing I did not have that they had was the debilitating pain. I had pain but nothing like some people suffer from. This confused me and made me wonder if I was correct. The main thing I knew was that my life was passing by while I was either in bed asleep or sitting on the couch in a foggy half-asleep state.
I was starting to give up the fight that I had been in with my body for months and months, so I desperately prayed that God would either help me to be okay with where He had me now or help me find some kind of solution. I only wanted to give up and just sit if that was God’s plan for me. “So this is it…” sounded a lot like settling.
Laid to Waste?
Looking back at the passage I began with today, helps me remember the point I was at in the previous paragraph. At what seemed like my lowest point, God helped me to see my situation as similar to the situation these Corinthian Christians’ were in.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.
Instead of allowing this new situation laying me to waste, I had become hopeful. My hope was and is in my Lord Jesus Christ. I knew I still had a purpose. I simply had to let Him lead me to where He wanted me.
That is exactly what He did.
A New Beginning
This time was a turning point for me. As I researched and prayed, I began to see common threads in most of the articles I was reading. As I said earlier, I was nearly convinced that I had fibromyalgia. So now I wanted to see if I was correct and what I could do to reclaim as much of my life as possible.
I talked with my doctor quite a bit about my findings and we decided to begin thinking outside the box.
More next time…