A New Beginning
I hit a spot in April 2019 where I thought I was really past the point of no return and the only way I could stay out of the pit of complete despair was to have some kind of a new beginning.
Despair – A Terrible, Bottomless Dwelling Place
I mentioned in my last entry that I was watching my life pass by while I slept and the more time passed the more depressed I got. I found despair to be a terrible, bottomless dwelling place. The reason I call it a dwelling place is because I was living there. The only way out was if God gave me some kind of new beginning and pulled me out.
Murilla Cuthbert, Lucy Maude Montgomery’s fictional character in Anne of Green Gables, told Anne that to despair was to give up on God. That little phrase has stuck with me for many many years. Much like a memorable kick in the gut, I have never forgotten the impact of the word despair. I always want to be sure that when I grab hold of a quote, that it is in line with the Bible. So here in Psalm 42, I got my answer.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
I had not completely given up on God, but I had definitely let my circumstances overshadow my knowledge of Him, my hope in Him, and my love for Him. He was still with me and I knew that I was still His child. I was just really having trouble with the fact that He had me exactly where He wanted me at that time. It did not feel like this could possibly be where He wanted me.
Overwhelmed by Circumstances
I knew I had to change how I saw my circumstances and I knew that if I got closer to God, the circumstances would “get smaller in my eyes”. I wasn’t keeping my eyes on Him (Hebrews 12:2-3). Overwhelm was inevitable if I did not stay focused on God so that I could stay close to Him. Now, I’m sure you know that you cannot draw closer to God on your own! I began asking Him to draw me closer – and He did. He also gave me a renewed strength to push on toward some kind of change in my life.
Pushing Toward Change
I talked to my doctor, who has also become a good friend, and we formed a loose plan to move a little more toward diagnosis and improvement of my daily life – a new beginning of sorts. I was praying for God’s wisdom through it all.
Dr. Powell referred me to an Integrated Medicine Specialist. This new doctor used other things besides medicine and commonly used vitamins. She used natural remedies like herbs, chiropractic, and acupuncture. I only saw her one time because she was just consulting on my case. We discussed my symptoms, what my own doctor had already done and any progress I had seen. She said that according to my symptoms and all the illnesses that have been eliminated, I do have fibromyalgia. I asked her if the conclusions I had come to in my research were correct. She confirmed that fibromyalgia is a brain problem!
Thinking outside the “Box”
I am sure you have seen mind health products advertising. I always thought of that kind of stuff as for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s patients. However, now I was thinking of them for me. I am a customer of a great company that makes many nutritional supplements, as well as many other products. A couple of their mind health products had caught my eye earlier and I had already decided that if this new doc agreed, I was going to order them. They are used for mental sharpness, acuity, focus, and more.
A New Lease on Life
I got her okay then I ordered them along with a multivitamin, a B complex, and a D3. When I got the order, I immediately began taking the regular vitamins and one of the 2 mind health supplements. I saw some improvement in my brain fog within a few days of starting the first one. Two weeks later I added the second one. After a month on all the new supplements, I felt a great deal better. I felt like getting up and doing things for more than 10 or 15 minutes. By the end of the second month on the supplements, I felt like I really had a new beginning. I thought that I could go back to work, in a position where I would not be walking much. So, I began my job search!!
A Miracle Cure?
The old saying is “God works in mysterious ways.” In this journey, I have seen Him do just that. He definitely intervened in my life and brought me to a better quality of daily life. It was miraculous in that I would not have drawn these conclusions without His help, but He did not simply reach down and miraculously heal me of this thing. He has not taken it away.
God’s Faithfulness in Carrying Me Through
I have learned so much over the last few years about myself and about Him. He allows us to go through things so we can learn and so we can see Him at work even in the daily minutes of life. If He had just touched me and suddenly healed me the first time I asked Him for help with this, I would have rejoiced and been grateful… even thrilled. But, would I have known His faithfulness in helping me actually wake up and get ready for a doctor’s appointment? Would I have experienced Him helping me actually get into her office inside the mid-city hospital when I had not found a decently close parking place and had to walk 3 blocks? I literally did not think I was going to make it in without collapsing on the sidewalk.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”
Where is My Hope?
I found these great supplements and they really do make life easier and more doable, but is my hope in them? Did they give me my new beginning? No. God helped me… He brought me to the conclusions. I am not a researcher by nature, believe me!! I am not. He also helped me find these particular supplements. Then, He made my body work with the supplements to make my brain function more like it is supposed to.
Where is my hope found? My hope is in the LORD! Therefore, I will hope in Him!!
Where is your hope found?